donderdag 9 juni 2016

Vingt-cinq ans


It's been a long time since I've written anything on my blog. This is a great time to reflect on my life. Last month I turned 25. Life is going much too fast! I don't feel at all like a 25 year old. I still feel 22-24 years old. I'm almost becoming too old for some things I really want to do in life. Because of this, I decided that no one will stand in my way this year. There are so many things I want to do!!! And there's never enough time or enough money to do everything! My dear friend Jasmine saved a lot of money and just packed her things and went to Australia with her boyfriend. I envy her! I would love to make some changes and charge into unknown territory. It's time to dare to try new things and to be honest with people. It's time to stand up for who I am and what I want in life.

These last months have been very busy. I have begun working as a hostess/receptionist at the well-known law firm Clifford Chance in Amsterdam. I work there every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I finished three courses at the Faculty of Law: Philosophy of Law, Criminal Law and European History of Law, of which Philosophy of Law is my favorite. I had all the exams in one week so it was a lot of studying and hard work. I think I passed them, but I wish I had studied harder. Furthermore, I applied for some modelling and hostess agencies, but they turned me down. I think it was because of my age or my height. When I was younger I got turned down for an acting or modelling job a lot less. It's sad that 25 is considered " not young enough"  in this world. I have to accept that I couldn't try hard enough in my younger years because I had a lot of studying to do and that my dreams in acting and modelling will become harder to achieve. And oh well, I am still registered at some agencies. I also got turned down for a very special kind of master I wanted to do. I wanted to do a master in Clinical Forensic Psychology in Amsterdam or Groningen. This master is very selective, because they don't need a lot of forensic psychologists and they need only the best. I got through the first round at the University of Amsterdam, but didn't make it through the second round. At the Rijksuniversiteit Groningen I didn't get through because of a random drawing of lots. On the other hand, I celebrated my birthday at the Eye Museum, the weather was great, I visited my uncle in Brussels, I'll be visiting Paris in a month time and I'll be moving to a room in the center of Amsterdam, probably very soon. Plus, I'll be studying the master "European and International Law" in Amsterdam starting in September.

First off, I am scared of a lot of things in life. I am terribly scared of failure. I'm scared of people leaving me. I'm scared of people not liking to spend time with me. I am a very social person and I love to be around people. The one thing I have a hard time dealing with is criticism and rejection. I'm just starting to realize that if I don't try to pull people to me, they sometimes will come closer by themselves. I don't always have to make all the effort myself. People will also make an effort for me. I also tend to view myself and my needs as less important than other people's needs. I'm trying to stand up more for my own needs now.

I still have dreams and dreams and more dreams!! I wonder if and how I will manage to realize them! If I really want to realize them I really have to make some changes. The following will be 25 things I really want to realize in some way now that I am 25.

1. I want to backpack through a big part of America, period. I just have to save enough money and I'll be on my way!

2. I want to walk through Europe, at least where it's safe. I want to do this for a few weeks in the summer. In order to do this, I have to be very fit so I have to train.

3. I want to find love, marry and have kids. No, I want to make a career for myself. Although the Khaleesi loves Khal Drogo very, very much. She is more than just the widow/wife of Khal Drogo. :) She is Daenerys Stormborn, heir to the Iron Throne. :D She has a good sense of who she is and what she wants. I want to do well in my master's and do great internships (The Hague, Luxembourg, Strasbourg, Brussels, Paris?), before finding a good, enjoyable job.

4. I want to do some voluntary work in Asia. This would be a great opportunity to get to know a country and myself better.

5. I want to travel in Asia and see countries like Nepal, Cambodia and Thailand.
6. I want to surf more, in countries like France, Portugal and Morocco. I want to improve on my surfing.

7. I want to sing more and produce more songs. I would like to perform with a band or solo in front of an audience. It would be great to find a record company. A girl can dream :)

8. I want to act a lot more. The dream is to act in movies. But first, I will have to do a lot of auditions and more courses in musical acting and film acting.

9. I want to do ballroom dancing again. I used to be great at the Jive and the Tango. I have to start again and compete in competitions.

10. I would love to start ice skating lessons. This has been a dream of mine for a long time.

11. I want to write a travel journal. I can write this while backpacking through America or Asia.

12. I want to write a fictional, fantasy story. I love fantasy. I am obsessed with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones. I wrote a whole fantasy story while in my teens. I just need to rewrite and polish it and let someone read it, maybe find a small publishing company.

13. I would love to have my own column or a well-read, well-known blog. But what should it be about? If I would have more money I would certainly love to make pictures of my outfits and write about fashion, but I also want to write about the other things I'm passionate about, like philosophy, politics, society, but also travelling. Why can't I just write a blog about life in general?

14. I want to start a movie club. Those who are interested, please let me know!! I want to have a movie club with whom I can go to the cinema with on a regular basis or watch movies with in my own house/room or at somebody else's place. We can also sometimes visit Arthouse cinema's. Those who are interested, please let me know!!! My email-address is    You know, I used to write scripts when I was younger and I would always watch all the bonus features on dvd's. I love to know more about how a film is made. I wanted to go to the film school in Amsterdam, but I decided to do a bachelor at a university instead.

15. I want to do more modelling. I have to find photographers and time to make a good portfolio for myself. As a amateur model/model you always need recent photos to show to people who are possibly interested in you.

16. I want to learn Portuguese and improve my French, German and Spanish. I would also love to be able to speak Hindi ^^

17. I want a part-time job that has to do with law, so I can improve myself and achieve experience in this field.

18. I would love to learn how to cook various recipes and how to bake different kinds of desserts and cakes.

19. I want to go on a spiritual journey to Britain.

20. I want to go on a spiritual journey to India.

21. I want to get my driver's license, both for cars and motorcycles!

22.  I want to have my own scooter, and later perhaps my own car.

23. I really want to spend some time in Los Angeles and in Nevada. My dream was to do auditions there and see where it would lead me, but we'll see what happens.

24. I want to be more active at the student organisations I am a member of and at my political party.

25. I want to do something for one of my student organisations or for my university. I want to work as a student-assistant or be a part of a committee.

There you have it. I probably forgot some things.

I just want to learn and experience!!!

All in all, it seems like I want to do too much and I don't have any time for it at all, haha.

But a girl can always dream :)

I really wrote this blog so that you all can know me better and for you to get an insight in what kind of person I am and which ambitions I have.

My favorite color? Light blue! But if I could choose two it would be light blue and pink!

What are your dreams and how do you want to realize them?

After all, you only live once!


- C.

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